One of the most common concerns parents have after their child’s difficulty with doing school work is the anxiety their children feel while at school. For students with learning differences, academic work by definition is a struggle. Students understand what is expected of them but have difficulty performing. As they look around the room at their classmates, they can become increasingly uncomfortable and anxious. For some students their anxiety comes from not understanding why they are not performing and just feeling lost. They are not sure what exactly they are unable to do or do well but they know that doing schoolwork in general or a particular academic subject causes them anxiety. To a lesser extent, students who understand their needs may also feel anxious because it is necessary for them to identify and use learning strategies to be able to get through their work and be successful. Using learning strategies is essential for students who have learning differences but needing them in the first place and remembering which strategy to use for a specific task can be stressful.
How can parents be helpful to their child who is experiencing anxiety at school?
- Acknowledge the problem. Let your child know that their feelings are valid and that you will help them understand what is causing the stress and come up with ways to address it.
- Talk to your child and their teacher(s) about what subjects or tasks are difficult and why. Use those conversations as a starting point to better understand what your child struggles with whether it is an academic, social or emotional issue.
- Get your child evaluated by the school or an outside professional (psychologist/psychiatrist) so that you and the school can understand what exactly are your child’s strengths and weaknesses. While an evaluation is only a snapshot in time, it can help establish a baseline for what to expect in the areas of academic, social and emotional functioning. A good evaluation will highlight which issues your child needs to work on and in what circumstances those issues are likely to arise. Finally, a good evaluation should provide you with recommendations that you can use at school and at home. Recommendations should let you know if your child needs support in or out of school, what kind of support they need and who might be the best person to deliver those services. Once the need for services is identified, begin the process of contacting your child’s school and requesting those services formally.
- Establish a regular check in with your child about school. Talking about these issues can be difficult but do your best to put your child at ease and perhaps pair your conversation with some kind of ritual that you both enjoy like taking a walk, etc. By establishing this ritual, your child will know that the lines of communication are always open. Let your child know that they don’t have to wait for the regular check ins, they can talk to you at any time. At the very least your child will know that they can depend on the ritual as a time and place to open up about a stressful part of their life. Try to listen and be open to what your child is describing to you. If your child thinks that talking to you is a safe thing to do, they will learn to come to you and let you know when they are struggling. When speaking to your child, do your best to not criticize or judge. what they are telling you. This can be hard to do, as we all want our children to do well and to us the solution may seem simple. Remember that learning differences are not just a matter of trying harder to get the answers right.
- For some students, role playing can be very helpful. This is particularly true for students who have a hard time with social and emotional issues. Role playing in a safe environment and without criticism allows your child to understand what might be expected in any given situation and what an appropriate response might be. It gives your child the opportunity to problem solve without feeling the pressure of being in the actual situation.
- Help your child relieve some of their stress by encouraging them to get involved in activities that they enjoy. All students need a release valve from the pressure of school. Finding and doing fun activities offers your child the opportunity to be successful. Because school is a struggle, students with learning differences need other ways to express themselves, to feel grounded and to gain confidence. Making sure that your child has some areas of their life where they are successful and do not need to struggle helps contribute to their overall happiness and lets them know that it is important to have balance in life.
Students with learning differences are increasingly having to manage their learning issues as well as the resulting anxiety. Taking steps to help your child understand their needs, getting the support that they need and keeping an ongoing dialogue open with them are all important ways that you can help your child be successful and manage their worry.